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RE: Being a leader
She heard his words clearly and deep in her mind she had been pondering that very question. 'Is something wrong with me' she asked herself as a tear rolled down her cheek. What troubled her the most, was that she didn't know that answer. 'Maybe that into its self is my answer,' she thought.
She thought for a moment if she truly wanted to even share what was going on in her mind. 'Could he be trusted to know?' Her thoughts raced through her mind, 'he is our leader now.' The debate raged on in her mind. This debate was waged longer than she wanted to admit. But in the end, one simple truth rang through. For better or worse, Richard was her leader. And it was always Order before Family. A simple lesson of Order over self. She let out a deep sigh signaling the end of the debate as well as her surrender to this truth.
With a heavy heart she offered up her report, “As you had mocked, my whole life I had always been the good girl. Taught and raised to be that prefect girl. I was actually taught to walk with a book” she paused, and smiled, “well at first. Then two, then three, on my head. Prefect pasture, prefect speech and tone. Everything had to be prefect. I thought that maybe I could be the ‘bad girl.’ But we both know how that turned out for me. It wasn’t who I am.” She laughed a bit, “My first beer was there at that duel. I hated the taste of it.”
She wasn’t comfortable sharing this much and she was sure he could tell. But she had to make him understand this for him to understand the importance of what she was about to say. “So yes, your mocking of me was correct. That is who I am. Daddy’s Prefect Little Girl. A picture prefect Girl who grew in to a woman. I am still supposed to be that Prefect Woman.” She paused once more then nodded to herself. “Order of Mind brings Order of one’s life. This was the very first lesson I was taught as a girl.”
She shook her head, “To answer your question. No. I am not okay. I don’t feel that control that I once had. This is starting to manifest its self in my dreams. I had a nightmare. No, more than just a nightmare. It was as if I was there. And I left myself a calling card to prove it.” She said as she pulled the shawl up and showed the second degree burn on her arm. It wasn’t a lethal wound but still a wound nonetheless. “I am not sure how far this will go. First the tower of bones and now that horrible dream.” She turned to Richard with tears in her eyes, “I am scared” she said with a tremble in her voice.
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